This is me...

"This is me." (so are you singing these words from The Greatest Showman as boldly as Keala Settle did in the film??)*

The past week or so has certainly been a personal journey in self belief.

I don't naturally brim with it if I'm truly honest. I am my own worst critic.

I know I am a daughter of King Jesus.

I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I know I am loved.

There are times I can revel in this and other times I have to work at trusting it to be the truth. It's that head/heart juxtaposition... I'm sure I am not alone.

I know you are probably bored with me telling you about my diploma but I'm going to talk about it a bit more - thank you for indulging me!

At the beginning of the year, I set myself a few goals or targets to aim for - in life and jewellery-making. One of them was to aim for a Merit in the diploma. Having never been an A-grade student EVER, I thought a Merit might stretch me enough whilst still being attainable.

I got my final grade recently (and if you're following me on social media, you'll already know this!)

My mentor began the call with a recap of my first two term's work - term 1 result was 94%, which at the time, I remember feeling might be a fluke - because I already had some jewellery-making skills, perhaps I had a head start. However, in term 2, with trickier tasks, I only dropped 2 marks throughout the 10 weeks, so maybe, just maybe, my skills and confidence were growing and I had a shot at a Distinction.

Or did I??

Term 3 included a final project and, as you know, I aimed high with my design! And we tackled some pretty tricky challenges during the other 10 weeks!

So, I was kept in suspense as she revisited my early work - it was like being on a TV show!

Then she reached the final term and revealed my final grade for the whole course. In true TV show style, I shed a few tears because not only did I get a high distinction, I also got FULL marks for E-V-E-R-Y term 3 project. Even my silver bee locket. I was at a loss for words.

So apparently, I am not too bad at this jewellery-making malarkey. A professional jeweller has told me, so it must be so!

She's encouraging me to believe in myself and my skills. She's helping me to trust that it's not just happened by chance, or that my work has only just passed muster but that it is good, or even very good. That I worked hard to achieve this and the grade is the reward for my effort.

It's not a comfortable place to be. I've never been good at thinking I am anything other than 'ok'.

But as each term of this course went by, I got better.

Well, I must have, because my grades improved!

"So, what now?" she asked.

Well, there are lots of ideas in my head but as yet, not much time to devote to them. But hopefully that will change soon. It had better, because, my lovely mentor has an eye on my Instagram and will be after me if I don't carry on learning and making!

And she advised me any time I doubt myself or my ability, to look back at my pieces and my grades as evidence!

It's all the things that I would say to someone else if the roles were reversed. I'm not especially kind to myself, it appears!

But I know Someone who is...

The message I am receiving loud and clear is that the scripture on which Poema is founded, Ephesians2 v10, applies to each and every one of us, and that does actually include me as well!

I read it, I listen to it but do I truly HEAR it?

Does it reach my heart and my soul?

We are His masterpiece - He created us with such care, love and attention to detail. We are deeply loved and He loves to lavish that love upon us. Yes, that means you and me.

Are we HEARING that?

It's something to work on...

* and take a look at this clip.

With love,

P.S. Oh, and the following day, I had a package from the Assay Office containing my first pieces with my makers mark - but I'll tell you all about THAT next time!